Hi queens,
I am meant to be writing a lab report rn but ANYWAY. I made a vow (bit dramatic, it's more of a resolution) this year continue to heal myself from the inside out (I now take a multivitamin, health queen) and to do more things that I enjoy. Hence the idea to reboot my blog came to me whilst eating my bagel (with sesame seeds) the other day. Bagels, whilst very difficult to cut in half, are so underrated.
I was walking down my *very* steep stairs the other day when I had a realisation. Firstly, that one day if I am not careful I am going to trip over my slipper (or croc, I enjoy options) and nose dive down those stairs. But secondly and most importantly I realised the extent of how concerned I was with what people thought of me growing up and how I kept so much of myself hidden. I never allowed myself to grow or change and become the person I needed to be. Which was a terrible waste of time looking back now. It sounds strange but it feels as if I am seeing my old habits through someone else's eyes and I can see how damaged and unhealthy they were. It's upsetting to relive these moments but it also keeps spurring me on to continue improving my mindset and healing my inner relationships because I actually feel as if I am finally able to live. Which sounds violently cringy but it's true. I can see myself as a person now rather than a body. I can appreciate the non-physical elements of myself, such as how kind a person I am, and it's such a refreshing mindset to have. It's also funny how the people I was concerned about judging me have come full circle and want to be my friend but anyway lol. I now understand that the people I was so concerned about were never the people I should have been concerned about. People who judge me are not people I want in my life because the people I deserve to have in my life would never judge me. I have met some really amazing people in the last few years who have taught me invaluable lessons. I've discovered the power of stepping back and realising that not everyone who comes through your life is meant to stay in your life. It's not a personal offence, it's just the way it is.
Recently, it feels as if a physical weight has been taken off my shoulders. Not worrying about people and their opinions is so incredibly freeing. It's strange how much you can hold yourself back in life without intending to. I have changed so much in the last two years and I am honestly such a queen now, just saying :~>
I have absolutely no solid plans for this blog, which is unusual for me I love a plan, I am simply seeing it as an outlet for my thoughts, a place without judgement. I genuinely don't mind if no one reads this, because I am doing it purely for myself, because I no longer have to please anyone, but myself. But if you have read this thank you, and I hope you have a lovely evening :)
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